CHAPTER ONE
My name is Sophie Breeze and I’m a professional bridesmaid.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Let me explain.
The idea started brewing just over two years ago, when I was a bridesmaid in my cousin Cara’s wedding. Cara is a commercial lawyer at a firm in London. She’s very intelligent, hardworking, and an expert at handling stress with a cutting sense of humor. But, it turned out, she was secretly having a meltdown that she couldn’t find time to organize her wedding. Three months before the big day I woke up to a phone call from her at 3:00 a.m.
“Sophie? Sophie, are you there?”
“I’m here.” I yawned loudly. “What time is it? What’s happened? Are you OK?”
“No, I’m not OK,” she whimpered. It sounded like she was crying.
I sat up immediately. I’d never heard her like that before. We’d practically grown up together and I hadn’t once seen her cry. Not as kids, when she fell off her bike into a bunch of brambles and stinging nettles. Not as teenagers, when she didn’t get into Cambridge like she’d always dreamed. Not as adults, when she found out that her loser ex-boyfriend Geoff had been cheating on her. Not even when she ate that super-hot jalapeño by accident and had to play it cool because she was in front of her boss.
“Cara, what’s wrong?” I was trying not to panic as I turned on the lights. “Is it Mike? Has something happened?”
“No, he’s fine.” She sniffed. “He’s upstairs, sleeping perfectly soundly. The bastard.”
“Cara, what’s going on? Have you guys had a fight?”
“No, no. Oh, Sophie. It’s the weddiiiiing!”
“The wedding?”
“Yes! The wedding! It’s in three months! And I haven’t done anything! It’s going to be a disaster! What am I going to do? I’m so sorry to call you at such a ridiculous hour but I haven’t been sleeping and you were the only person I could think of to make me feel better about all this!”
I breathed a sigh of relief and slumped back on my pillows, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with a smile. It wasn’t the first time I’d received a call like that from a bride or groom. I’d been a bridesmaid many times before and there is always a moment of panic when nothing feels like it’s coming together and suddenly that looming date seems much closer than it was the day before.
And who wouldn’t experience it? Hello, you’re organizing a celebration for the people you care about most on the planet! Anyone would be seized by fear. I completely get it. Luckily, by then, I also happened to be well practiced in handling it.
So, first things first: calm the bride or groom. “Cara, I need you to take deep breaths for me.”
“But my brain is just so frazzled with work and I haven’t even looked at the caterer’s menu and I think I may have told the florist I was happy with lilies but you know how Mike’s mum feel about lilies and I don’t know what I was thinking and we still need to book a DJ and no one is going to be available at this—”
“Deep, deep breaths,” I interrupted gently. “Breathe with me here. Deep breath in and deep breath out. Deep breath in and deep breath out. That’s it. And again. Very good, you’re doing really well.”
Next step: make them feel better about their panic. “Keep doing those deep breaths for me. Great. Now, Cara, this is completely normal—everyone has these moments in the lead-up to a wedding. It can feel very overwhelming and like you don’t have the time to get everything sorted.”
Followed by: a reality check. “I completely understand that three months doesn’t sound very long but most of the issues you’re worrying about right now can be sorted in a matter of minutes, at most hours, and you have about ninety days to get it done. Plenty of time!”
Then it’s all about: practicality and making them feel in control. “This is what we’ll do. We’ll make a neat list of everything that still needs to be done so it feels a little more ordered—I’m sure it’s a bit of a jumble in your brain and that’s making you worry. Once you have everything listed, you’ll feel much calmer.”
“I do have a spreadsheet,” she said. “None of it’s done, but it’s listed.”
“Perfect! You pop that across to me now if you like, or in the morning.”
Move into: their support network. “You’re not in this alone, Cara. Why do you think bridesmaid and usher roles exist? We’re here to help you, whatever you need. Don’t be afraid to ask or delegate. How about I come over for a cup of coffee tomorrow and we can go through everything that needs to be done and work out who can be in charge of it? I can come to the office.”
“You—you’d do that?”
“Yeah! Can you spare your lunch hour?”
“I guess.”
“I’ll be there. I know a couple of DJs from some weddings I’ve been at who are local to your venue, so we can check them out. Plus there’s loads of time to talk to the florist and change things, no problem. I’ll call her, if you like, and report back if she has any questions.”
Nicely setting you up for: reminding them what this is all about. “Honestly, Cara, it’s going to be the best day, no matter what happens, because everyone is there to celebrate you and Mike getting married. Nothing else matters.”
“I suppose. There’s just so much pressure for it to be perfect.”
And crucially concluding with: laughter. “It will be. Even if the DJ is shit because no one’s available and we end up having to hire Uncle Fred to play the first dance on that bloody tin whistle.”
She burst into giggles. “Oh, my God, do you remember the Christmas he got that?”
“How could I forget? I’ll never forgive my mum. She thought it would be a lovely token from her trip to Dublin.”
“It was just the worst. I don’t think my ears have ever recovered.”
“Yeah, well, it was also around then that Granny went deaf. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Dad may have hidden the tin whistle after the second Christmas he tried to play it for us all. Poor Uncle Fred never found it.”
“And here I was panicking about insignificant details like lilies when I should have been working out how we can track down a new tin whistle in time for Uncle Fred to perform a solo during the signing of the register!” She chuckled and let out a long sigh. “Sophie, thank you. I needed a laugh. And you’re right about everything, as usual. It’ll be fine. I think I just got a bit overwhelmed.”
“Anyone would! There’s nothing to thank me for. Tomorrow we’ll get this show on the road. It’ll be perfect, you’ll see. Go and
get some sleep.”
“You really are the best. Hey, you know what, Sophie?” she said, yawning. “You should do this as a job.”
“Take late-night phone calls? That seems . . . creepy.”
“No! Being a bridesmaid. You’ve been to, like, a billion weddings and you know your stuff. And you love them, so you’d be
doing something you’re passionate about. Seriously, I feel sorry for the people who don’t have you in their bridal party. It could
be a full-time career. You could be a professional bridesmaid.”
“What? That’s not a thing.”
“It could be.”
I snorted. “OK, sure, Cara. I’ll just become a professional bridesmaid.”
“Why not? It’s like what you’re doing now, but instead of having corporate bosses, you become, like, a PA to brides.”
“Your lack of sleep’s caused you to become delirious. That already exists! Ever heard of wedding planners?”
“Yeah, but people don’t always want to hire a planner because they like to put together their own weddings. I wouldn’t hire a wedding planner, even though I desperately need the help! A professional bridesmaid, however, would be there to support the bride and help her plan without losing her mind along the way. Much cooler. Anyway, you should think about it.”
“OK, crazy lady. Get some sleep, please.”
“Night, Sophie. And thank you.”
I hung up and nestled back into my pillows, ready to get a few more hours’ sleep before I had to be up for work. But the next day I was unable to get the idea out of my head. A professional bridesmaid? It was ridiculous. Completely absurd.
Wasn’t it?
Copyright © 2021 by Katy Birchall
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